Bad enema – bleugh

Oh god, had such a bad enema last night.  Don’t read on if you are squeemish as this post contains way too much information.

My previous three enemeas had been made using 2 pints of water and half a teaspoon of organic coffee.  I had held the first two in for 10 minutes and the third for 15 easily so I was feeling confident that I could increase the dose.  I made up 3 pints of water using a whole teaspoon of coffee, but couldn’t get the temperature right so ended up adding another pint of cold water.  Well I only managed to hold in the 4 pints for about 3 mintues when I developed the most painful cramps and just had to expell it all.  A lot of putrid stuff came out, but I don’t think I am doing a very deep cleanse.  I think this is just getting rid of what ought to be coming out day to day.  I wish my detox kit would arrive as I need something to kick start my bowel into working.  I was really thirsty for warm lemon water afterwards, I must have had 4 glasses over the rest of the evening.  I think the combination of enemas and lemon water does make a difference along with the diet.  My skin on my face was slightly improved this morning.

I ordered £100 worth of goods from detox your world yesterday!  I’ve been thinking about going raw and I don’t this going 100% is right for me at the moment.  I feel ragingly empty after a totally raw meal so I am aiming to go about 75% raw and make up the rest with brown rice, quinoa etc.  I’ve been looking to see if there are any raw support groups in Reading.  I went to the RISC centre and looked at the noticeboard, and while there is an organic food co-ops and a big fairtrade movement I couldn’t see anything about raw groups.  On one hand it means there isn’t any established support, but on the other it means there is a big opportunity if I wanted to set something up.

Still feel confused about where my contribution lies.  At the moment all I can think about is getting well and getting my skin healthy and glowing.

Lymph

Had a bit of a relapse overnight.  When I woke up my face was flaky again and after washing it went bright red (this didn’t happen on Monday).  I knew it was going to be bad as I had difficulty staying asleep last night.  My skin was oozing lymph and really itchy and I think I can feel pockets of lymph stuck in my legs and arms which feel good when I rub them.  This itch is deeper than skin level, it is inside my muscle.  I need to research more about this as I’m sure this is part of the problem and mucus forming foods just generate more of it.  I didn’t eat well yesterday and am paying for it today.  I’ve tried to make up by drinking my green powder today and even though I have the offer of a free sandwich based lunch, I have ordered a salad.  (ok so much of the salad is cooked, but it is better than cheese sandwiches!)
Still thinking about contribution.  The best contribution I can make is to get well so that I can help others get well.  For that end I need to be determined and stick to what I know is good for my health.  So often I just eat what is available rather than making an effort to ensure that I have healthy food.
My pH this morning was 6.25 which is still too low.  I measured my temperature yesterday and I can’t remember what it was exactly but it was well under normal.  I’ve very cold still and wearing my coat indoors as I can’t seem to warm up.
I had weird dreams last night again – this time a different ex-boyfriend.  The emotion in the dream was that I didn’t trust him and even though he was being nice to me, there was an obligation attached and the hint of menace.
God – what’s it going to be like when I detox proper!

Turning the corner

My skin made a dramatic improvement this week.  It’s still dry, but at least my face is a normal colour again.  My arms are almost normal from the shoulder to elbow, but still red between my elbows and arms.  I’m so pleased I’m visibly making progress.

My plans to increase the amount of raw food I eat haven’t exactly materialised and the weightloss has stopped now, although I haven’t gained back what I lost.  I’m eating tonnes of brown rice at the moment and green & blacks chocolate which I am craving at the moment.

I’ve also given myself 3 coffee enemas  over the last week and that has done me the world of good, clearing out a load of putrid stuff.  There’s still a long road to go down as yet though!  I ordered detox support pack over a week ago but it hasn’t arrive yet and when I phoned today it won’t arrive for another week!

I’m a bit nervous about doing a full on detox as I think that it might release some emotions.  I’ve started having a lot of full on emotional dreams about my ex and I think it is all starting to come out again.  It’s weird, I wake feeling this really strange yearning emotion.  I know it’s not him I want back, but I want that intensly pure love feeling in my life.   I wonder if the fact I’ve not committed to the detox diet as planned is my way of stopping these emotions surfacing in huge detail.  I’m really scared of letting these feelings go.  Lynne has said she will support me through this, like she knows what is going to come up.  It feels like if I let them go, I will lose them forever, even though I know logically it’s not true.

I’ve felt much more switched on at work this week than I have for the last year.  And yet when I look at it my intentions are all about what I can get from it, rather than what I can give.  I can see opportunites for me to be managing my own department within a year which would give me lots of feelings of status and importance that I haven’t had before.  When I examine my motivation for doing this it is the money and what I would learn that interests me, not what I can contribute to the other employee’s learning and development.  I feel quite small about this.  I want to be able to be able to say it is all about what I can contribute, but I can’t.  I feel a bit mixed up about this all.   I’m hoping this mixed up feeling is just part of me sorting myself out.  I want to change my polarity to one of contribution and giving.  Tomorrow I will look for opportunities of how I can do this.

I have really struggled this week with my skin, especially on my face and wrists. I still look like a burns victim and it is so dry on my face it feels like sandpaper. Today it is very sore and burning. I’m fed up with people asking me about it. Some people do it in a really sympathetic way which is ok, but other people seem really judgemental as if I’m doing it on purpose. I keep feeling very sorry for myself, which isn’t the least bit attractive but it is hard to maintain a postive confident outlook at the moment.

I’m really blocked up inside and I think this is part of the problem. Nothing is moving, it is quite distressing, which is why I think my body only has the option of throwing all the toxins out through my skin as it can’t get them out any other way. Weirdly I ache in my muscles, especially my thighs and arms and when I rub really hard it feels like toxins are being released. I know I shoudn’t do this as my body isn’t ready to deal with them yet but weirdly it feels really good.

Sleeping has been hard this week – I’ve had huge insomnia which is annoying as I am so tired in the evenings so can’t do anything, yet when I get to bed I don’t sleep until the alarm is due to go off. At least it is the weekend tomorrow so I can relax.

Eating more raw food is proving to be a challenge. Eating fruit for breakfast is pleasant and enjoyable and I will keep that up – however 100% raw lunches and dinner leave me wanting more and my stomach feels really acidic and not happy. Also, finding raw food when eating out is a huge challenge, much worse that I anticipated. Cold does not equal raw! On the plus side the Pure Synergy green powder I bought is almost tollerable – it’s a lot better than I thought it would be! Hopefully that will do me some good and maybe alkalilse me a bit. I bought some Maca powder and mixed it with some coconut milk which was disgusting – I couldn’t even swallow one mouthfull. Maybe I’ll try it in some juice or a fruit smoothie instead.

I’m seeing my healer tonight (Lynne) so hopefully she will help balance me out. I taught H how to do Quantum Touch last night and he picked it up really quickly but got bored after about 5 minutes.  He’s promised to do 5 minutes each day which would be wonderful just to have that extra energy.

I really am doing my best to stay positive.  I really need lots of support and unconditional love right now from my friends.  H is being wonderful and lovely which really helps more that I can say.  We spoke last night about using positive visualisations to help me heal so it is wonderful that he supports me in this.

Allergic Reaction

I feel daft that it took me so long to realise that the symptoms I experienced that I was putting down to normal detox symptoms were actually an allergic reaction. I still feel a bit shaky about it. By Wednesday evening my face and throat had swollen so much that I found it difficult to speak because the skin on my face was so tight. Lynne was away so I rang Angela and asked if she could help me. She did some of the basic balances Lynne has taught us (swiching, destressing the amygdala etc) and it was only while I was lying on the couch that I twigged the only new thing in my diet was goats milk.  Angela checked though kinesiology testing and confirmed that I had had a reaction to it.   On Friday I went to the doctors and she confirmed that it was an allergic reaction that had happened. It wasn’t anaphylatic shock as my airpipes didn’t close up, but next time the reaction could be worse.

For days I didn’t want to eat – all I wanted was boiled cooled water and one or two pieces of fruit a day. All I’ve done is sleep during that time. I saw Lynne on Friday immediately after seeing the doctor and she did some balances to the goats milk and bizarrely my body asked to be balanced to a typhoid vaccination I had a 17. I don’t remember having the vaccine then, so I would like to check my medical records and see if I did have a vaccination then.

I’m feeling much better today, although still tired. My skin is still very dry. On Wednesday the whole of the top layer died and dried out and I’m still suffering with that. I think it will be a few days before the new layer grows through.  I can’t think why I’m allergic to goats milk.  I only started drinking it in a quest to be healthy.  A few days of only eating raw food and I can see an improvement in the skin on my arms.   I’m really intrigued by the raw way of eating and am reading a lot about it at the moment.  I can see this might be the way forward, but I want to get a lot more information first.  In the meantime I’m going to commit to having a raw breakfast of fruit and a raw lunch.  I plan to start sprouting seeds again so I can have those for lunch.  For my main meal I will probably have some cooked food and will make sure that at least half of it is raw.  I’ll be blogging the results.

The only way out is through

Have been sent home from work today as was just sitting at my desk shivering even though I had on a shirt, jumper, fleece and my coat!   My face is the size of a planet and bright red and so, so dry and cracked.  I’ve been wearing foundation to hide the redness, so it’s a relief to get home and get it off my face.

Yesterday I ate, 2 apples for breakfast, at about 10.30 I had the 2 remaining savoury slices from the weekend (mixture of brown rice, carrot, apple, sundried tomatos), for lunch I had a chicken salad and for tea I had steamed salmon with steamed brocolli, red peppers and carrots with loads of hummus and pesto.  I would have thought this was really healthy, but I have stumbled across a load of raw food sites which made me realise how little of yesterday’s food was raw.  Only the apple and some lettuce and tomato – everything else was cooked.  A few years ago I would have dismissed raw foodies as deranged fools, but I have to say, looking at the photos I want that healthy glow and lithe figure and the bags of energy they have.  I’m reading through Shazzies blog – she went through a body detox when she went raw – looks like the only way out is through.

My manager told me to go to the doctor – but what is he going to do?  I’ve gone before with similar symptoms and I got given either laxitives, steroids or antibiotics.  Now I know what the effect of each of those is I wouldn’t take them even if they were prescribed.

I haven’t felt like eating today, all I’ve fancied is warm water.  Previously I would have eaten to ‘keep my strength up’ but I think my body is just begging for a break and if it wants warm water, that’s what I shall have.

Toxic Blues

The last 3 days I have felt dreadful.  I even had a day of work today as I felt so rough.  I hadn’t realised how toxically overloaded I was until I started what I thought was a gentle detox.  I haven’t changed much: cutting out wheat wasn’t difficult as I cut right down on bread years ago; cutting out cows milk was easy as I replaced it with goat milk; cutting out refined sugar was surprisingly easy aswell as I made sure I got lots of fruit so I only got sugar cravings on one day.

So given that I was eating really healthily I was surprised to feel so cold, tired and depressed all weekend, literally in tears feeling so blue.  Today I couldn’t manage to go to work I felt so weak.  I think I just needed the rest as having drunk my body weight almost in water and not eaten much food, I’m feeling so much better.

I’ve been looking up what to do next on the detox.  It’s made me realise that I need to do something a bit more serious.  I think I need to get some colon cleansing herbs, definitely get some digestive enzymes and do a proper elimination programme.

I’m surprised at the emotion that is coming up for me – it is playing out in my dreams and is very disconcerting.  Looking forward to Lynne getting back off holiday as I could do with some support here.