End of the juice fast

I ended my juice fast last Monday!  I can’t believe it was over a week ago – life really does seem to get in the way sometimes.

I’m really pleased with how it went.  My face and skin are almost normal now.  I say almost because they are still dryer than before I had the allergic reaction – however the colour and shape of my face is massively improved.  I lost a few pounds as well.  I think I was about 11 st 12 at the beginning of February and at the start of the juice cleanse would have been about 11st 8.  At the end I was 11st 2 and was back up to 11st 4 yesterday.  Must be careful!  My trousers are significantly loser than before. OK so I’m still overweight for my height, but that’s the first lot of weight that has shifted in a while.  I’m pleased it is going in the right direction.

Reading my last post I had forgotten how miserable I was on the Thursday and Friday.  Found out it was all hormonal.  I was fine and happy on the Saturday and Sunday.  Went shopping, saw friends, everything was fab.  Next time I won’t pick the week I am due on if I want a good experience! 

I saw Lynne on Thursday and she tested to find out how effective the cleanse had been.  For optimum health she thinks I got rid of 50% of the toxins that I needed to get rid of and that I need to do another cleanse.  I have the week off work from 2nd so will do another juice fast that week.

I didn’t end the cleanse very elegantly.  I had forgotten to take my shakes to work and was doing ok on just juice.  I went to the theatre that night and caved in and had a sandwich and crisps!  Hardly the apple followed a few hours later by some brown rice that I was intending.  The food tasted nasty but I still ate it.  Must continue to work on that deprived feeling.

The week in between has been ok.  I’ve continued to avoid wheat and yeast where possible – although I haven’t been very good at planning and preparing my meals in advance.  In my mind I just need to get through this week and back on a juice fast next week.

I really would recommend it as way towards health.  I do feel so much brighter and happier than before.  Am feeling very peaceful and content.  Wonderful.

Day 5 – Juice Cleanse. Friday

Started the day feeling really miserable. I ended up bawling in the car on the way to work, although I’m not really sure why. I’ve had the chills in my stomach again this morning which I think means that I’ve realised some old emotion. I feel a bit brighter now, but still not right. I think my skin is 50% inproved which is good. People who have seen a lot of me recently think it looks better, but anyone who hasn’t seen me is still shocked. I’m very variable in my confidence levels at the moment. Some moments I am up, others I just want to hide from the world. I’ve been reflecting on what I want out of life and this current existance isn’t right for me, but I’m terrified of the changes I need to make. No wonder I’m paralysed and don’t do anything. I keep thinking if I had more energy I would be sorted. I keep trying to do that but hitting brick walls. Are those walls there to make me take a step back and reconsider, or are they the construct of my own fears. I’m so confused I don’t know what to do for the best.

Reading this back I’m clearly not applying the law of attraction very effectively! Right now what I want is to be acknowledged. I don’t think my friends understand right now what I’m going through. OK so I haven’t told them, all I’ve said is that I’m ill. Oh – wow. Last year when friend said that nobody understood what she was going through I got really annoyed with her! Again that’s interesting. I thought she was being really insulting and assuming that all of us lacked empathy with her situation which wasn’t true, we just didn’t want her to wallow. I was annoyed that she thought we couldn’t extrapolate from our own experience to hers and that’s what I’ve just accused my friends of. Funny I manifested that situation. So what am I supposed to learn from it?

I think I need to be more open in how I’m feeling. And I definitely need to be more postive and focus on what’s improving.

Technically it’s the last day of my fast, I will carry on at least another 2 days. I haven’t had much actual plaque out in the last 2 days, but I still think it is worth carrying on given that the redness in my skin has gone down considerably. I’ve been looking at the PATHS program that I’ve seen discussed. I wouldn’t normally believe in something like this, but it has been creating a wave of interest. I’ll think on it.

Day 4 – Juice Cleanse. Thursday

Struggled today emotionally, I felt down and deprived even though I wasn’t hungry. It possibly was hormonal as I’d forgotten that I was due on – not a good week to pick!

I’ve been having strange dreams. The dominant emotion is guilt and in the dreams I’m either doing something or have done something that i feel guilty about and I wake feeling terrible. In my waking life the dominant emotion is feeling deprived. I realise I haven’t got my head around the fact that 1 week isn’t enough to change for. I need to implement these changes for life and I’m stamping my feet in resistance. Ahh that’s interesting. Am I resisting the results as well as the process. Perhaps that’s why I’m not getting the results I want. Ha Ha! Was very gassy this evening, which often happens on the first day of the time of the month. I did a water enema to try to clear it out which helped a bit. I have to confess to cheating. Am kicking myself as I had some crisps and cake! I wasn’t hungry though which is what was so annoying. I’m not going to give up, I’m just going to put it behind me and carry on. It’s really important to me that my skin looks better by the time my mum comes next weekend. Writing this I realise that I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect and it’s as if I don’t feel accepted if I’m not perfect. This has held me back a lot in my life. I need to find a way to address it.

The Juice Cleanse – Day 3. Wednesday.

Again I only managed to take 4 sachets of the toxin absorber yesterday. I missed my 2.45 and didn’t take that till 4pm, I had one more in the evening and just couldn’t manage another one. I don’t feel hungry at all, but I do miss the taste and texture of food. It’s a mouth feel thing that I want rather than the full sensation. I’m finding that you need to drink the toxin absorber quickly otherwise it puffs up into a gel which isn’t a very nice texture to swallow. The taste of ginger and apple is nice, like a warming winter punch.

So results today. I was getting worried earlier as nothing had come out even though I had taken 7 digestive stimulators the night before. Then at about 11am I started getting horrible cramping pains. I kept trying to go to the loo but nothing was coming. I wasn’t a happy bunny. I went for a walk at lunchtime to try and get things moving which worked and I discovered after lunch why it was so painful. The most enormous fat lump of mucus came out of me, then over the next 3 hours another 3 loads. It was so big and fat, it no wonder it hurt. Seeing the size of it I’m not surprised that I wasn’t able to poo for a month I must have been completely blocked up.

Looking at the pictures on the website of other people’s placque, theirs tends to be stringy in places, like it was coating part of the colon wall. This is like a big fat glob that must have been jamming up the whole of my insides. I wonder how much of my colon has cleared out and how much is left to go! I’m also wondering about the state my my small intestine. I need to read up and understand how the digestive process works. It’s a long time since I studied this.

I can’t describe the relief that this is clearing. I’m not sure if I will be completly sorted by the end of day 5 and have just ordered another pack so that if I can I will go for a whole 10 days without eating and doing the detox. I will see how it goes. Given that I feel fine at the end of day 3 I am sure that carrying on till day 5 will be easy. I may start to eat again after day 6 or 7 and keep up with the supplements, I will see how my energy levels are, I seem to have more energy today than I did yesterday. I don’t have any major plans for the weekend so can take it easy. Oh and I’ve just booked the first week of April off and because it is Easter I finish work on 30th March and don’t go back till 10th April and it’s only 4 days holiday. Although it will be too soon to do a juice fast then, I will be doing a gentle detox during that time.

It’s funny how I still keep worrying about meals. Like this morning I was panicing because I hadn’t made a packed lunch and it took a few moments to remember that I’m not having food at the moment! Before this I have never gone without food for so long before. I have always been (too) fond of my food. Seeing what comes out is giving me the strength to keep going.

I AM THE MUCUS QUEEN!

The Juice Cleanse – Day 2 Tuesday.

Yesterday I only took 4 of my toxin absorber shakes. You are supposed to take 5 every 3 hours and I was due my last one at 7.30. I had made the broth that they recommend and after that I forgot to take my last shake. When I was eating the broth (strained vegetable soup) I found myself picking at the vegetables that had been strained out. It wasn’t because I was hungry, it was more because I felt deprived not eating and wanted to chew something. I need to work on that! I took 7 digestive stimulator capsules before bed.

Today I have had 2 normal poos before 10am! I didn’t take my first toxin absorber shake until 8.45 so I will take my last one at 8.45pm. I will skip the broth this evening and stick to apple juice.

The main crisis point of my eczema has moved to my thymus area. My neck was less sore and oozing this morning when I woke up than it was yesterday. My face is still very dry and my chin area very flakey and puffy but I think it is improving. I still don’t look like myself. I miss my old face! I was 11st 6 this morning so think I must have had some water retention yesterday due to the non-detox food I had on Sunday.

H and I watched the Spa of Embarrassing illnesses last night. The guy with eczema is really struggling, although he has just gone cold turkey on his immuno-suppressant medication. He his having the backlash that I experienced when I came off steriods. He seems to be improving more slowly than the others. I am getting so impatient. I just want to be well now. I’m fed up with waiting.

11.50 update! OMG! I just went to the loo twice in the space of 20 minutes and out came about 2 lots of about 10 inches of thick green mucus! It was like the biggest snot you have ever seen! I can’t believe all that goo was inside me. This is only day 2 – how much more is there to come? Immediately afterwards I got the shakes in my stomach for a few seconds that seem to come just before and just after a big release (either physical or emotional). I am so pleased and relieved that things are finally moving and clearing.

The Juice Cleanse – Day 1. Monday.

 As I was finding the reducing potions size part difficult I decided to go straight into the juice cleanse.  It’s easier to cut out food completely rather than have a little bit.  I know this isn’t recommended, but I had completely changed my diet in the month previous and done lots of enemas so hopefully this will work.  This part of the cleanse you have the ‘toxin absorber’ in apple juice, followed by a large class or water at 3 hour intervals, 5 times a day.  Before dinner you take your number’ the ‘digestive stimulator’.  In between times you can have apple juice, water or vegetable broth and that’s it.  So far it is lunch time. I have had 1 packet at 7.15 and another at 10.15 and am due one more in a few minutes.  I don’t feel hungry, although I do have the internal cold shakes.  Hope I have the strength to keep this up for a few days.  I have had at least 4 movements this morning.  I am so pleased it is coming out.  It is such a relief to get things working normally instead of being packed solid with poo.

Weighed myself first thing this morning and I was 11st 7.5lbs.  How I have managed to put on 2lbs in 2 days is beyond me especially with so much coming out.

The Pre- Cleanse – Day 2. Sunday.

Attended the second day of the HypnoBirthing course which was wonderful and met some great people.  Again didn’t reduce my portion sizes and as I had forgotten to take a packed lunch there was only really unhealthy food on offer.  I had a bowel movement at about 4pm!!!

A real one.  When I got home I had to decide again how many ‘digestive stimulator’ supplements I needed to take before dinner.  As I had only had 1 movement and not 3 I increased the dose.  I was supposed to only take 7 pills, but I took 8, then had another four movements that evening!  Hope that wasn’t too many.

The Pre-Cleanse. – Day 1. Saturday.

Went to my HypnoBirthing course today which was really good.  So wonderful that birthing can be calm and enjoyable.  Can’t wait to get out there and start sharing it.

Forgot I was supposed to be reducing my potion sizes of food and ate loads as I needed the energy!

This evening I had to decide how many ‘digestive stimulator’ supplements I needed to take were.  1 if your move your bowels more than once a day, 5 if you only move them every 5 to 7 days.  I took 6 on the grounds I haven’t moved them for a month!  I also went out for dinner and had spicy food so hope I’ve not done anything too stupid there!  Took the ‘toxin absorber’ before bed.  I think it tastes quite nice.

Did a warm water enema before going out and there wasn’t as much mucas released although the few pieces were bigger than before.

Had the most bizarre emotional release this evening.  I was watching the Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses on video, and the guy who had eczema was put in a mineral clay wrap and he was in agony.  It really reminded me of the time that I had a mineral clay float and it felt like my skin was being burned off.  All of a sudden I started shaking and making a noise that was somewhere between crying and laughing but no tears and possibly a bit like a donkey braying!  I must have been making this sound for a good 10 minutes, then suddenly didn’t need to do it any more and felt a wave of relief wash over me.  I have no idea what that was all about but I clearly needed to do it.

The Pre-Pre-Cleanse. – Friday.

Stuck to my detox diet and in the evening came home and did a warm water enema.  Strangely not of lot of faeces in it, but loads of little bits of mucus about the size of a grain of rice!  Not really sure what that was all about!

Felt as though there would be a big emotional release after that although nothing happened that night.  Felt very tired and would have happily slept all evening, but had a really bad nights sleep again.

Sugar Rush

I massively over did it on sweet fruit!  I thought other raw foodists were wimps when they talked about feeling sugar rushes – but now I understand what they mean.  I binged on medjool dates, Innocent smoothie (realised afterwards it is pasturised so not raw) and mango.  It really is unpleasant feeling all spaced out with nervous energy.  Have been balancing with greens which helped me come down.
Today I was angelic eating raw veg.  I made the ‘golden curry sauce’ from Detox Your world which was really nice, however the chopped veg were raw and really hard and I bruised the top of my mouth expecting them to be soft like cooked veg!  Was nice to have a curry flavour – am potentially out for curry this weekend although I’m not sure what i will have.  There is nothing raw on the menu.  Maybe will have to treat myself to some sag aloo.

I phoned about my detox kit today and was told it would be another 2 weeks at least!  I have now ordered this colonic cleansing kit.  Hope it comes by the weekend – I’m feeling very blocked up.  Warning don’t look at their site if you are squemish – there are some very graphic pictures of poo and mucus on it.  This is a really interesting article about what mucoid placque is made of.  Can’t wait for my kit to arrive so I can clear out mine.   Is it weird that I’m hoping to have a poo picture to post!  Gosh I’m obsessive about poo at the moment.  People will think I am strange or something.

My whole face was flakey this morning when I woke up and flaked off during the day.  Is really hard to face people when I look like this.  My skin improves very very slowly, then relapses a bit then creeps up improving.  It is SO SLOW!