Had a very lovely gentle session with my healer (Lynne) yesterday.  She was using the BodyTalk protocol and we were both surprised with what came up.  The protocol uses kinesiology to communicate with the body and find out what needs to be ‘linked’ together and then healed.  Apparently normally the link chain is very short, but we kept having to find more and more links.

The first session, involved linking my liver, spleen, skin, lymph amongst others as well as my parents divorce.  Normally when this issue comes up I disolve into a weeping heep, but I was really calm throughout, even when Lynne explained that what she was picking up that when my dad left part of me died and whole energetic circuits switched off including my rage centre.  That would normally leave me in pieces, but I was so calm and just replied that it made sense.  It turns out I needed healing at an astral level (whatever that means) which she did and then I slept for about half an hour.

The next session again related to liver, skin, spleen and she picked up that my digestive problems had been happening for a long time.  We traced it back to my first school where the bullying started from the headmaster down.  I was so stressed and upset all the time, especially as I found as school meals  really stressful, my body stopped working effeciently.  Added into the mix was an emotion she piced up ’self image’.  I knew at the time what I was experiencing wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but my whole world was wrong.  I didn’t know how to defend myself.  I think it was from then that my ‘I’m not good enough’ belief started.  It was a very academic school and although I excelled in my class I still felt stressed by the focus on attainment.  Another fix, another sleep.  I found a few tears welling up when I thought about what my brother experienced at that school, and then when that passed I felt very calm and peaceful.

I find it hard to describe what happens in a healing session as I’m aware that it sounds a bit woolly and new-agey.  All I can say is that I am aware of profound changes happening.  Today the lymph areas that were so sore and painful before don’t hurt the way they did.  When I got home the first comment from H was that I seemed brighter and I hadn’t said or done anything out of the ordinary for him to think that.

Lynne thinks that the coffee enemas I am having are helping for these emotions to release.  Her theory is that emotions and trauma get locked into the cells and it is only by detoxing that they are released.  I have read elsewhere that coffee enemas help the liver to detoxify and it is probably for this reason that these emotions are coming out.  She is also very keen for me to do the proper detox with the support herbs.  Unfortunately she will be away for 2 weeks from next Sunday, so if a load of emotional stuff comes up I’m going to have to deal with it.

When I got home I made a mistake with my dinner.  I had soaked some pinenuts before leaving to make vegan cheese on my return.  I didn’t fancy it much for dinner, but thought I would make it anyway.  I had it rolled up in romaine lettuce for my dinner and although it tasted nice I felt slightly queasy afterwards.   I settled down to read the SunFood diet and realise that I had far too much fat for my dinner in that meal.  David Wolfe suggests balancing sweet fruit, chlorophyll (green leafy veg) and fats.  However if you want to detox (or lose weight which I do) then you should reduce the amounts of fat and increase the greens and sweet fruit.  I realised that my dinner had put too much of a fatty load only my liver, not a good idea given all it is going through at the moment!  I had a class of green powder and felt more balanced.  Just goes to show that just because something is raw doesn’t mean to say it is good for you there and then.

I’ve not eaten much today.  I’ve had a dragon fruit, a passion fruit, several warm lemon waters and some green powder.  I had my first natural bowel movement in over a week this morning (finally) then did another coffee enema and feel much better.  I also tried using flax oil on my skin and that felt nice.  The hemp was feeling too heavy and the evening primrose didn’t seem to work either.  Will keep on with the flax oil for now.

I really need to do this detox, just wish my pills would arrive.  I’ve been so ill for so long I’m impatient to get started.

beautiful morning

Gorgeous morning today.  Blue sunny sky, clean fresh air.  One of those wonderful crisp mornings that makes you realise that spring is on its way.  H was all cuddly this morning that meant I didn’t want to get up, but once I was outside I just wanted to get out into the day but instead had to drive to work.  We go onto flexi time on 1^st April (incidentally it will be a year since I started this job) and I’m thinking that rather than starting work at 8.15, I’ll start at 9.30 and use the extra time in the morning to walk down to the banks of the Thames and do the Tibetan Rejuvenation Rites or just a general all over body stretch.  I could probably get up later at 7am instead of 6.15.

7am up and put on exercise clothes

7.10 out of house, walk down to
Thames, exercise and return (need to time this!)

7.55 shower and dress

8.20 breakfast

8.40 get ready to leave

8.45 leave house

9.30 arrive work

 

Need to do 7.5 hours so could take 30 mins for lunch and leave at 5.30 and be home by 6.15.

 

At the moment I get up between 6.15 and 6.30 and arrive at 8.15.  I waste a lot of time in the mornings just ‘coming to’ as I’m tired and generally end up staying late anyway faffing.  I never feel like I have enough energy to exercise at the end of the day even if I leave dead on time.

I could try coming in later 3 days a week at first to see how that works, getting some morning exercise in on some days might give me more energy for the evenings I start earlier.

 

Felt very emotional and tearful yesterday.  Could be that I’m releasing stuff, could be that I didn’t get outside yesterday and I’m feeling caged in.  I’ve been asking my guides for clarity about my purpose.  There are so many directions I’m drawn to at the moment, but when I take a step forward my interest feels blocked.  So for the moment I’m taking a step back, focusing on eating really well and asking for clarity.

 

I also think I am very ‘yeasty’ still.  If I look closely at my skin there is a white bloom on it, just like on the surface of plums or grapes.  My dad has been saying for ages that what sorted out his skin was using canesten on his face and an anti-fungal shampoo.  I’ve got some of the shampoo but haven’t used it yet as it has sodium laureth sulphate in which is a known skin irritant.  I might consider buying some canesten at lunchtime today.  I’m hoping my giant pack arrives from the detoxyourworld site as I’ve ordered some Pau D’arco tea which is a known antifungal.  Being yeasty might explain why I feel so tired even when I’ve had a full nights sleep.  I definitely feel better for not having yeast in my diet so maybe that is a factor.  I’m taking strong pro-biotics but maybe that’s not enough.

 

My diet yesterday was about 60% raw and about 2000 calories.

 

For breakfast I had 3 red delicious apples.

At about 11.30 I had my green powder which I am getting used to the taste.

For lunch I had some brown rice with hemp oil and lemon juice plus about half of a M&S stir fry pack. (I prefer this to salad as less lettuce!) with some walnuts.

For dinner I had lunch leftovers with some seaweed and a whole avocado.

I had a chunk of chocolate that was in the fridge afterwards as I wanted something sweet which just made me crave more sweet food, so I experimented with whizzing up a mango with some raw cacoa nibs which was lovely and chocolaty.  The mango wasn’t a great one otherwise I’d have felt bad adulterating it, but as it was only a so-so one the cacoa nibs were a lovely addition.

 

All of this was washed down with lots of warm lemon water and cups of ordinary tea with milk (one of my few remaining vices).

 

On TV last night there was a programme about a guy who only ever eaten grated cheddar cheese and crisps and they were getting him to try new foods.  He was ok with introducing spinach leaves, but tinned tomato soup made him gag.  Looking at it from a raw perspective it’s a really shame that they didn’t get him eating more raw or healthy foods rather than trying to wean him onto commercial foods.  Anyway, it reminded me that it can take 10 – 20 tastes of something for a child to accept a new food, so I got out the maca powder that I couldn’t swallow before, put about a sixth of a teaspoon into some lemon water and drank it.  It was ok, so I had a little bit more.  I’ll keep trying it for 20 tastes to see if I can get used to it.

A few days ago I tried it mixed into melted chocolate but that didn’t work either, so I’m pleased that the lemon water was ok. 

 

Still really cold, am wearing a long sleeved thermal vest, a shirt, a cotton jumper and my coat!  Everyone else is just in one or two normal layers. 

 

Hope I get much better soon.

 

 

Bad enema – bleugh

Oh god, had such a bad enema last night.  Don’t read on if you are squeemish as this post contains way too much information.

My previous three enemeas had been made using 2 pints of water and half a teaspoon of organic coffee.  I had held the first two in for 10 minutes and the third for 15 easily so I was feeling confident that I could increase the dose.  I made up 3 pints of water using a whole teaspoon of coffee, but couldn’t get the temperature right so ended up adding another pint of cold water.  Well I only managed to hold in the 4 pints for about 3 mintues when I developed the most painful cramps and just had to expell it all.  A lot of putrid stuff came out, but I don’t think I am doing a very deep cleanse.  I think this is just getting rid of what ought to be coming out day to day.  I wish my detox kit would arrive as I need something to kick start my bowel into working.  I was really thirsty for warm lemon water afterwards, I must have had 4 glasses over the rest of the evening.  I think the combination of enemas and lemon water does make a difference along with the diet.  My skin on my face was slightly improved this morning.

I ordered £100 worth of goods from detox your world yesterday!  I’ve been thinking about going raw and I don’t this going 100% is right for me at the moment.  I feel ragingly empty after a totally raw meal so I am aiming to go about 75% raw and make up the rest with brown rice, quinoa etc.  I’ve been looking to see if there are any raw support groups in Reading.  I went to the RISC centre and looked at the noticeboard, and while there is an organic food co-ops and a big fairtrade movement I couldn’t see anything about raw groups.  On one hand it means there isn’t any established support, but on the other it means there is a big opportunity if I wanted to set something up.

Still feel confused about where my contribution lies.  At the moment all I can think about is getting well and getting my skin healthy and glowing.