Had a very lovely gentle session with my healer (Lynne) yesterday.  She was using the BodyTalk protocol and we were both surprised with what came up.  The protocol uses kinesiology to communicate with the body and find out what needs to be ‘linked’ together and then healed.  Apparently normally the link chain is very short, but we kept having to find more and more links.

The first session, involved linking my liver, spleen, skin, lymph amongst others as well as my parents divorce.  Normally when this issue comes up I disolve into a weeping heep, but I was really calm throughout, even when Lynne explained that what she was picking up that when my dad left part of me died and whole energetic circuits switched off including my rage centre.  That would normally leave me in pieces, but I was so calm and just replied that it made sense.  It turns out I needed healing at an astral level (whatever that means) which she did and then I slept for about half an hour.

The next session again related to liver, skin, spleen and she picked up that my digestive problems had been happening for a long time.  We traced it back to my first school where the bullying started from the headmaster down.  I was so stressed and upset all the time, especially as I found as school meals  really stressful, my body stopped working effeciently.  Added into the mix was an emotion she piced up ’self image’.  I knew at the time what I was experiencing wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but my whole world was wrong.  I didn’t know how to defend myself.  I think it was from then that my ‘I’m not good enough’ belief started.  It was a very academic school and although I excelled in my class I still felt stressed by the focus on attainment.  Another fix, another sleep.  I found a few tears welling up when I thought about what my brother experienced at that school, and then when that passed I felt very calm and peaceful.

I find it hard to describe what happens in a healing session as I’m aware that it sounds a bit woolly and new-agey.  All I can say is that I am aware of profound changes happening.  Today the lymph areas that were so sore and painful before don’t hurt the way they did.  When I got home the first comment from H was that I seemed brighter and I hadn’t said or done anything out of the ordinary for him to think that.

Lynne thinks that the coffee enemas I am having are helping for these emotions to release.  Her theory is that emotions and trauma get locked into the cells and it is only by detoxing that they are released.  I have read elsewhere that coffee enemas help the liver to detoxify and it is probably for this reason that these emotions are coming out.  She is also very keen for me to do the proper detox with the support herbs.  Unfortunately she will be away for 2 weeks from next Sunday, so if a load of emotional stuff comes up I’m going to have to deal with it.

When I got home I made a mistake with my dinner.  I had soaked some pinenuts before leaving to make vegan cheese on my return.  I didn’t fancy it much for dinner, but thought I would make it anyway.  I had it rolled up in romaine lettuce for my dinner and although it tasted nice I felt slightly queasy afterwards.   I settled down to read the SunFood diet and realise that I had far too much fat for my dinner in that meal.  David Wolfe suggests balancing sweet fruit, chlorophyll (green leafy veg) and fats.  However if you want to detox (or lose weight which I do) then you should reduce the amounts of fat and increase the greens and sweet fruit.  I realised that my dinner had put too much of a fatty load only my liver, not a good idea given all it is going through at the moment!  I had a class of green powder and felt more balanced.  Just goes to show that just because something is raw doesn’t mean to say it is good for you there and then.

I’ve not eaten much today.  I’ve had a dragon fruit, a passion fruit, several warm lemon waters and some green powder.  I had my first natural bowel movement in over a week this morning (finally) then did another coffee enema and feel much better.  I also tried using flax oil on my skin and that felt nice.  The hemp was feeling too heavy and the evening primrose didn’t seem to work either.  Will keep on with the flax oil for now.

I really need to do this detox, just wish my pills would arrive.  I’ve been so ill for so long I’m impatient to get started.

Is this the beginning of the beginning?

My package from detoxyourworld arrived yesterday – yeah!
I’m going to introduce each new food slowly as my system is a bit shot and I’m a bit jittery still about having an allergic reaction to a new food only 4 weeks ago.  If there are any problems I need to be able to trace it back.

Yesterday I had

Breakfast  Red delicious apple
Snack.   Green powder in water
Lunch.   Brown rice with grated carrot and parsnip that had marinaded overnight in a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar and hemp oil with walnuts and red and yellow tomatos.  The proportions were wrong, I’d put in too much rice (cooked) and not enough veggies, but still delicious.
Snack.   3 squares of the Intacta raw vegan chocolate (contains maca which was a bit concerned about as first time I tasted it I heaved – but I am delighted to report the chocolate was delicous and completely quelled my hunger pangs)
Dinner  Wasn’t really hungry after eating the chocolate so didn’t have a meal as such.  Had a cup of Pau d’arco tea which was really nice, it has a warm rounded flavour that doesn’t need any sweetening or enhancement.  I can definitely enjoy that medicine!  I can’t have it during the day as it needs to be boiled for 10 minutes and there isn’t a stove here (don’t want to use a microwave).  I also had half a carton of coconut water – mmm.

So apart from the rice and the black tea with milk (must give this up one day) I’m doing well on the raw pathway.  H had made lamb curry when I got home and I virtuously declined that and the raspberry yoghurt he’d bought me.  He was very sweet, he supports me doing a detox, but I give out mixed messages about what I am ‘allowed’ depending on my mood so no wonder he gets confused.

I still feel run down and so cold.  Am wearing a thick cotton top, warm fleece and padded coat to stop the chills.  It’s nuts!

Also yesterday David Wolfe’s Sunfood book arrived and I have started reading it.  The diet section is really interesting and he includes a lot of coaching / Law of Attraction information in it and how much easier it is to use the LOA when you are vibrating at a high rate from your food.  It is beautifully presented and the pictures are stunning.  It has suggested diet plans which are really useful when you are just starting out as it explains how to balance the raw food you eat so that you don’t get too much of any one type (sugar, fats or greens) and become unbalanced.

Refering to my request for clarity about my purpose, I had 2 conversations yesterday with colleagues about health.  Guess what, they are both suffering from yeast type problems including bloating, IBS, discharge etc.  Once had had her syptoms so long that she just thought it was normal.  When I insisted that it wasn’t she looked really surprised and said that she would now consider doing something about it.  Both are on the pill and take anti-biotics.  I wonder if this is my Alpha reflection.  It’s not the full manifestation of the request, but it is the indication it is on the way.  The message is that I have to stay on my path to heal myself.  I am absolutely convinced and determined that I will heal myself and it is only by succeeding that I will have the credibility to heal others.  As David says in his book

“To enlighten others we have to enlighten ourselves.  The best way to make others healthy is to become incredibly healthy yourself!”

What a wonderful purpose.  My goal is to achieve optimum health for myself so that I can inspire others to make changes to their life to be healthy.

Plans to help me are: 
1.  Look into ordering organic food via a box scheme.  (also need to find a strong lockable box that can go in the front garden to put it in)
2.  Do a week long juice fast – will book first week of April off as this is the first time I can take holiday
3.  Must send off my HypnoBirthing paper so that I can get my qualification (this won’t help my eczema but will help generate income so that I can be more in control of my life)
4.  Read the SunFood system and start implimenting the practice
5.  Take my ‘before’ picture
5.  Write my ‘before and after’ story.  Writing the before story will help me clarify patterns of thought and behaviour that have got me to where I am now.  Writing my ‘after’ story as though it has already happened is a wonderful way of harnessing the power of the Law of Attraction.  I’m really excited about writing this.  I’m going to mull it over for a few days so I can get the details as I want them and then start writing.  How fab!

I get the feeling that this is the start of a marvellous journey.

beautiful morning

Gorgeous morning today.  Blue sunny sky, clean fresh air.  One of those wonderful crisp mornings that makes you realise that spring is on its way.  H was all cuddly this morning that meant I didn’t want to get up, but once I was outside I just wanted to get out into the day but instead had to drive to work.  We go onto flexi time on 1^st April (incidentally it will be a year since I started this job) and I’m thinking that rather than starting work at 8.15, I’ll start at 9.30 and use the extra time in the morning to walk down to the banks of the Thames and do the Tibetan Rejuvenation Rites or just a general all over body stretch.  I could probably get up later at 7am instead of 6.15.

7am up and put on exercise clothes

7.10 out of house, walk down to
Thames, exercise and return (need to time this!)

7.55 shower and dress

8.20 breakfast

8.40 get ready to leave

8.45 leave house

9.30 arrive work

 

Need to do 7.5 hours so could take 30 mins for lunch and leave at 5.30 and be home by 6.15.

 

At the moment I get up between 6.15 and 6.30 and arrive at 8.15.  I waste a lot of time in the mornings just ‘coming to’ as I’m tired and generally end up staying late anyway faffing.  I never feel like I have enough energy to exercise at the end of the day even if I leave dead on time.

I could try coming in later 3 days a week at first to see how that works, getting some morning exercise in on some days might give me more energy for the evenings I start earlier.

 

Felt very emotional and tearful yesterday.  Could be that I’m releasing stuff, could be that I didn’t get outside yesterday and I’m feeling caged in.  I’ve been asking my guides for clarity about my purpose.  There are so many directions I’m drawn to at the moment, but when I take a step forward my interest feels blocked.  So for the moment I’m taking a step back, focusing on eating really well and asking for clarity.

 

I also think I am very ‘yeasty’ still.  If I look closely at my skin there is a white bloom on it, just like on the surface of plums or grapes.  My dad has been saying for ages that what sorted out his skin was using canesten on his face and an anti-fungal shampoo.  I’ve got some of the shampoo but haven’t used it yet as it has sodium laureth sulphate in which is a known skin irritant.  I might consider buying some canesten at lunchtime today.  I’m hoping my giant pack arrives from the detoxyourworld site as I’ve ordered some Pau D’arco tea which is a known antifungal.  Being yeasty might explain why I feel so tired even when I’ve had a full nights sleep.  I definitely feel better for not having yeast in my diet so maybe that is a factor.  I’m taking strong pro-biotics but maybe that’s not enough.

 

My diet yesterday was about 60% raw and about 2000 calories.

 

For breakfast I had 3 red delicious apples.

At about 11.30 I had my green powder which I am getting used to the taste.

For lunch I had some brown rice with hemp oil and lemon juice plus about half of a M&S stir fry pack. (I prefer this to salad as less lettuce!) with some walnuts.

For dinner I had lunch leftovers with some seaweed and a whole avocado.

I had a chunk of chocolate that was in the fridge afterwards as I wanted something sweet which just made me crave more sweet food, so I experimented with whizzing up a mango with some raw cacoa nibs which was lovely and chocolaty.  The mango wasn’t a great one otherwise I’d have felt bad adulterating it, but as it was only a so-so one the cacoa nibs were a lovely addition.

 

All of this was washed down with lots of warm lemon water and cups of ordinary tea with milk (one of my few remaining vices).

 

On TV last night there was a programme about a guy who only ever eaten grated cheddar cheese and crisps and they were getting him to try new foods.  He was ok with introducing spinach leaves, but tinned tomato soup made him gag.  Looking at it from a raw perspective it’s a really shame that they didn’t get him eating more raw or healthy foods rather than trying to wean him onto commercial foods.  Anyway, it reminded me that it can take 10 – 20 tastes of something for a child to accept a new food, so I got out the maca powder that I couldn’t swallow before, put about a sixth of a teaspoon into some lemon water and drank it.  It was ok, so I had a little bit more.  I’ll keep trying it for 20 tastes to see if I can get used to it.

A few days ago I tried it mixed into melted chocolate but that didn’t work either, so I’m pleased that the lemon water was ok. 

 

Still really cold, am wearing a long sleeved thermal vest, a shirt, a cotton jumper and my coat!  Everyone else is just in one or two normal layers. 

 

Hope I get much better soon.

 

 

Bad enema – bleugh

Oh god, had such a bad enema last night.  Don’t read on if you are squeemish as this post contains way too much information.

My previous three enemeas had been made using 2 pints of water and half a teaspoon of organic coffee.  I had held the first two in for 10 minutes and the third for 15 easily so I was feeling confident that I could increase the dose.  I made up 3 pints of water using a whole teaspoon of coffee, but couldn’t get the temperature right so ended up adding another pint of cold water.  Well I only managed to hold in the 4 pints for about 3 mintues when I developed the most painful cramps and just had to expell it all.  A lot of putrid stuff came out, but I don’t think I am doing a very deep cleanse.  I think this is just getting rid of what ought to be coming out day to day.  I wish my detox kit would arrive as I need something to kick start my bowel into working.  I was really thirsty for warm lemon water afterwards, I must have had 4 glasses over the rest of the evening.  I think the combination of enemas and lemon water does make a difference along with the diet.  My skin on my face was slightly improved this morning.

I ordered £100 worth of goods from detox your world yesterday!  I’ve been thinking about going raw and I don’t this going 100% is right for me at the moment.  I feel ragingly empty after a totally raw meal so I am aiming to go about 75% raw and make up the rest with brown rice, quinoa etc.  I’ve been looking to see if there are any raw support groups in Reading.  I went to the RISC centre and looked at the noticeboard, and while there is an organic food co-ops and a big fairtrade movement I couldn’t see anything about raw groups.  On one hand it means there isn’t any established support, but on the other it means there is a big opportunity if I wanted to set something up.

Still feel confused about where my contribution lies.  At the moment all I can think about is getting well and getting my skin healthy and glowing.

Lymph

Had a bit of a relapse overnight.  When I woke up my face was flaky again and after washing it went bright red (this didn’t happen on Monday).  I knew it was going to be bad as I had difficulty staying asleep last night.  My skin was oozing lymph and really itchy and I think I can feel pockets of lymph stuck in my legs and arms which feel good when I rub them.  This itch is deeper than skin level, it is inside my muscle.  I need to research more about this as I’m sure this is part of the problem and mucus forming foods just generate more of it.  I didn’t eat well yesterday and am paying for it today.  I’ve tried to make up by drinking my green powder today and even though I have the offer of a free sandwich based lunch, I have ordered a salad.  (ok so much of the salad is cooked, but it is better than cheese sandwiches!)
Still thinking about contribution.  The best contribution I can make is to get well so that I can help others get well.  For that end I need to be determined and stick to what I know is good for my health.  So often I just eat what is available rather than making an effort to ensure that I have healthy food.
My pH this morning was 6.25 which is still too low.  I measured my temperature yesterday and I can’t remember what it was exactly but it was well under normal.  I’ve very cold still and wearing my coat indoors as I can’t seem to warm up.
I had weird dreams last night again – this time a different ex-boyfriend.  The emotion in the dream was that I didn’t trust him and even though he was being nice to me, there was an obligation attached and the hint of menace.
God – what’s it going to be like when I detox proper!

Turning the corner

My skin made a dramatic improvement this week.  It’s still dry, but at least my face is a normal colour again.  My arms are almost normal from the shoulder to elbow, but still red between my elbows and arms.  I’m so pleased I’m visibly making progress.

My plans to increase the amount of raw food I eat haven’t exactly materialised and the weightloss has stopped now, although I haven’t gained back what I lost.  I’m eating tonnes of brown rice at the moment and green & blacks chocolate which I am craving at the moment.

I’ve also given myself 3 coffee enemas  over the last week and that has done me the world of good, clearing out a load of putrid stuff.  There’s still a long road to go down as yet though!  I ordered detox support pack over a week ago but it hasn’t arrive yet and when I phoned today it won’t arrive for another week!

I’m a bit nervous about doing a full on detox as I think that it might release some emotions.  I’ve started having a lot of full on emotional dreams about my ex and I think it is all starting to come out again.  It’s weird, I wake feeling this really strange yearning emotion.  I know it’s not him I want back, but I want that intensly pure love feeling in my life.   I wonder if the fact I’ve not committed to the detox diet as planned is my way of stopping these emotions surfacing in huge detail.  I’m really scared of letting these feelings go.  Lynne has said she will support me through this, like she knows what is going to come up.  It feels like if I let them go, I will lose them forever, even though I know logically it’s not true.

I’ve felt much more switched on at work this week than I have for the last year.  And yet when I look at it my intentions are all about what I can get from it, rather than what I can give.  I can see opportunites for me to be managing my own department within a year which would give me lots of feelings of status and importance that I haven’t had before.  When I examine my motivation for doing this it is the money and what I would learn that interests me, not what I can contribute to the other employee’s learning and development.  I feel quite small about this.  I want to be able to be able to say it is all about what I can contribute, but I can’t.  I feel a bit mixed up about this all.   I’m hoping this mixed up feeling is just part of me sorting myself out.  I want to change my polarity to one of contribution and giving.  Tomorrow I will look for opportunities of how I can do this.

I have really struggled this week with my skin, especially on my face and wrists. I still look like a burns victim and it is so dry on my face it feels like sandpaper. Today it is very sore and burning. I’m fed up with people asking me about it. Some people do it in a really sympathetic way which is ok, but other people seem really judgemental as if I’m doing it on purpose. I keep feeling very sorry for myself, which isn’t the least bit attractive but it is hard to maintain a postive confident outlook at the moment.

I’m really blocked up inside and I think this is part of the problem. Nothing is moving, it is quite distressing, which is why I think my body only has the option of throwing all the toxins out through my skin as it can’t get them out any other way. Weirdly I ache in my muscles, especially my thighs and arms and when I rub really hard it feels like toxins are being released. I know I shoudn’t do this as my body isn’t ready to deal with them yet but weirdly it feels really good.

Sleeping has been hard this week – I’ve had huge insomnia which is annoying as I am so tired in the evenings so can’t do anything, yet when I get to bed I don’t sleep until the alarm is due to go off. At least it is the weekend tomorrow so I can relax.

Eating more raw food is proving to be a challenge. Eating fruit for breakfast is pleasant and enjoyable and I will keep that up – however 100% raw lunches and dinner leave me wanting more and my stomach feels really acidic and not happy. Also, finding raw food when eating out is a huge challenge, much worse that I anticipated. Cold does not equal raw! On the plus side the Pure Synergy green powder I bought is almost tollerable – it’s a lot better than I thought it would be! Hopefully that will do me some good and maybe alkalilse me a bit. I bought some Maca powder and mixed it with some coconut milk which was disgusting – I couldn’t even swallow one mouthfull. Maybe I’ll try it in some juice or a fruit smoothie instead.

I’m seeing my healer tonight (Lynne) so hopefully she will help balance me out. I taught H how to do Quantum Touch last night and he picked it up really quickly but got bored after about 5 minutes.  He’s promised to do 5 minutes each day which would be wonderful just to have that extra energy.

I really am doing my best to stay positive.  I really need lots of support and unconditional love right now from my friends.  H is being wonderful and lovely which really helps more that I can say.  We spoke last night about using positive visualisations to help me heal so it is wonderful that he supports me in this.

Allergic Reaction

I feel daft that it took me so long to realise that the symptoms I experienced that I was putting down to normal detox symptoms were actually an allergic reaction. I still feel a bit shaky about it. By Wednesday evening my face and throat had swollen so much that I found it difficult to speak because the skin on my face was so tight. Lynne was away so I rang Angela and asked if she could help me. She did some of the basic balances Lynne has taught us (swiching, destressing the amygdala etc) and it was only while I was lying on the couch that I twigged the only new thing in my diet was goats milk.  Angela checked though kinesiology testing and confirmed that I had had a reaction to it.   On Friday I went to the doctors and she confirmed that it was an allergic reaction that had happened. It wasn’t anaphylatic shock as my airpipes didn’t close up, but next time the reaction could be worse.

For days I didn’t want to eat – all I wanted was boiled cooled water and one or two pieces of fruit a day. All I’ve done is sleep during that time. I saw Lynne on Friday immediately after seeing the doctor and she did some balances to the goats milk and bizarrely my body asked to be balanced to a typhoid vaccination I had a 17. I don’t remember having the vaccine then, so I would like to check my medical records and see if I did have a vaccination then.

I’m feeling much better today, although still tired. My skin is still very dry. On Wednesday the whole of the top layer died and dried out and I’m still suffering with that. I think it will be a few days before the new layer grows through.  I can’t think why I’m allergic to goats milk.  I only started drinking it in a quest to be healthy.  A few days of only eating raw food and I can see an improvement in the skin on my arms.   I’m really intrigued by the raw way of eating and am reading a lot about it at the moment.  I can see this might be the way forward, but I want to get a lot more information first.  In the meantime I’m going to commit to having a raw breakfast of fruit and a raw lunch.  I plan to start sprouting seeds again so I can have those for lunch.  For my main meal I will probably have some cooked food and will make sure that at least half of it is raw.  I’ll be blogging the results.

The only way out is through

Have been sent home from work today as was just sitting at my desk shivering even though I had on a shirt, jumper, fleece and my coat!   My face is the size of a planet and bright red and so, so dry and cracked.  I’ve been wearing foundation to hide the redness, so it’s a relief to get home and get it off my face.

Yesterday I ate, 2 apples for breakfast, at about 10.30 I had the 2 remaining savoury slices from the weekend (mixture of brown rice, carrot, apple, sundried tomatos), for lunch I had a chicken salad and for tea I had steamed salmon with steamed brocolli, red peppers and carrots with loads of hummus and pesto.  I would have thought this was really healthy, but I have stumbled across a load of raw food sites which made me realise how little of yesterday’s food was raw.  Only the apple and some lettuce and tomato – everything else was cooked.  A few years ago I would have dismissed raw foodies as deranged fools, but I have to say, looking at the photos I want that healthy glow and lithe figure and the bags of energy they have.  I’m reading through Shazzies blog – she went through a body detox when she went raw – looks like the only way out is through.

My manager told me to go to the doctor – but what is he going to do?  I’ve gone before with similar symptoms and I got given either laxitives, steroids or antibiotics.  Now I know what the effect of each of those is I wouldn’t take them even if they were prescribed.

I haven’t felt like eating today, all I’ve fancied is warm water.  Previously I would have eaten to ‘keep my strength up’ but I think my body is just begging for a break and if it wants warm water, that’s what I shall have.

Toxic Blues

The last 3 days I have felt dreadful.  I even had a day of work today as I felt so rough.  I hadn’t realised how toxically overloaded I was until I started what I thought was a gentle detox.  I haven’t changed much: cutting out wheat wasn’t difficult as I cut right down on bread years ago; cutting out cows milk was easy as I replaced it with goat milk; cutting out refined sugar was surprisingly easy aswell as I made sure I got lots of fruit so I only got sugar cravings on one day.

So given that I was eating really healthily I was surprised to feel so cold, tired and depressed all weekend, literally in tears feeling so blue.  Today I couldn’t manage to go to work I felt so weak.  I think I just needed the rest as having drunk my body weight almost in water and not eaten much food, I’m feeling so much better.

I’ve been looking up what to do next on the detox.  It’s made me realise that I need to do something a bit more serious.  I think I need to get some colon cleansing herbs, definitely get some digestive enzymes and do a proper elimination programme.

I’m surprised at the emotion that is coming up for me – it is playing out in my dreams and is very disconcerting.  Looking forward to Lynne getting back off holiday as I could do with some support here.